Some Thoughts on Pain - 9

On Tuesday I went to the ER with violent vomiting and skull pain. I’m not going to lie. This was a terrible, terrible day of blinding pain. Throughout the day I thought for brief moments (when I was capable of thinking) about my faith, my writings, the things I say to people. The rubber was hitting the road. I mean, do I really believe God is with me? I do, but I don’t pretend to understand this kind of pain. Could I gratefully endure day after day after day with pain like this? I’m not sure I could, but thankfully, I don’t need to know the answer to this question. I only need to make it through each day, each hour, each minute by and in God’s grace. I definitely had fear on Tuesday, thinking, what if every day from here on out is going to be like this, or, even worse than this??? I wondered, how bad can this get? On Wednesday morning I woke up fairly rested and with little pain. Whew. The first thought I had was, His mercies are new every morning and I was so happy that this day was not like the day before. BUT, what if it had been like the day before? I believe our Lord would have walked me through that valley as he has walked me through other valleys… valleys in the shadow of death. This life is so strange—strangely beautiful in the valleys and on the mountaintops. Jesus taught us that each day has enough troubles of its own, so don’t worry about tomorrow. Easier said than done, I think. I’m trying to learn not to project today’s suffering into thoughts about the future. How about you?

Update on November 19, 2022: I’ve continued to have these episodes, having had about ten or so now. Some have not been as bad as the first time and some have been worse. I can say that God has been with me each time, teaching me that I can trust Him in painful times as well as in the good times. The cause is not known, but I believe it has something to do with the radiation to the neck that I received in 2021.

Picture of a mountaintop for inspiration. ;) I took this in Chamonix, France.