Looks Can Be Deceiving - #12
(Post Edited on May 21, 2022)
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Looks can be deceiving, right?
A bald head with no eyebrows and a steroid-induced puffy face tell a story that can’t be hidden from the general public. When I went through treatment in 2007 my looks were a dead giveaway… Here comes the cancer patient. Look the other way. No. Make eye contact. No. Tell her she’ll be fine. No. Look the other way. It’s awkward to see obviously sick people, isn’t it? But… what about when you can’t “see” the sickness? The bad part about having had this “cancer look” was that everyone knew my business. The good part? Many people were eager to help me, even giving me a pass for being grumpy or sad.
Though it may seem counter-intuitive, when cancer has spread all over the body treatments are usually milder. With a terminal illness the doctor often tries to balance quality of life with quantity of life by prescribing medicines that hopefully won’t make the patient toooooooo sick.
So, here’s what I’m thinking… People often tell me I don’t look sick. Don’t get me wrong, I like not looking sick. (Feel free to tell me that, lol!) I can just blend in when I want. But it does make me wonder how many other people around me don’t look like they are sick? Many people are heart-sick with life’s sadnesses. Like me, others are medically ill, but don’t look it. Are we more apt to give grace to people who are obviously sick or disabled or hurting? If so, perhaps we should give this same grace to every stranger we encounter. Maybe the person who cut me off while driving just found out their spouse leads a double-life. Or the grumpy grocery checker might have been thinking about how to feed her kids. I know that my sickness effects my demeanor and my mood, but the strangers I encounter have no idea what I’m going through. I was recently denied a wheelchair at a museum because they are for the “disabled.” I told the attendant, “I have cancer everywhere. I am disabled.” I was tempted to show him a picture of my scans. He gave me the wheelchair. Poor guy… I think I shocked him with my candor. I also used a wheelchair at the airport and was accused of trying to get a better seat! Anyway, this not looking sick thing makes me wonder… who else is sick, but doesn’t look it? In light of this possibility, can I lead with graciousness and kindness even when treated poorly?
In Luke chapter 6, Jesus teaches us to go above and beyond in graciousness. He teaches that it’s easy to love the lovable, but loving the unloveable is what we are called to do. In Colossians chapter 3, Paul says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Whether or not I know a person is going through some dark valley, whether or not they look sick, I’m working to be one who clothes myself, as Paul said, in kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (It’s so hard!) I want to be forgiving. (It’s so hard!) I want to consider that many of us don’t look sick. In a way, aren’t we all sick and in need of forgiveness and kindness?
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I’ve wavered back and forth quite a bit as to whether or not I should post the pictures below. I’m trying to be transparent and also, not worry about what other’s think (in an unhealthy way). So, I’m gonna do it. For the sake of illustration regarding my post above, please note that these pictures were all taken in a month’s time. (In the first pic of PET/CT scan, the black areas are cancer. The second and third pics are in Paris. The fourth is a pic of me with a hard plastic mask used to give neck radiation.) We all go through trials that others can’t “see”. Looks can be deceiving.
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